I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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