You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
