Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
