I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
