Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
