All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
