Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
