I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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