It's Friday. Sex?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
