So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Pants are for mortals
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
