I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
