Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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