I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
