for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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