I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
