check it out our google latitudes are spooning
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
