He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
