I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
