Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
