Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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