i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
