I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
