Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
