You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
