if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
