dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
