just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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