I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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