yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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