i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
