We named our party play list daddy issues
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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