that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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