dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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