I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
