why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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