we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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