Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
