I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
