i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
