What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
