I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
