I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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