i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
