get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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