tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
