Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
