fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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