Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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