apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
