My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
