hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
